The truth about Cupid

Oh, that cute and cuddly Cupid! You see him everywhere, this time of year, all pink-cheeked and chubby, wearing only a diaper (if he wears anything at all) and aiming a lethal arrow straight at your heart!

What’s the deal here? Who in their right mind would give a bow and arrow to a baby?

His parents, probably. Some think his mother was Aphrodite, the goddess of love, and her husband, Hephaestus, the god of fire and metalworking. On the other hand, Aphrodite was unfaithful, so his dad might have been Ares, the god of war. Either way, it was a dangerous combination, at least for humans.

Cupid, which means desire, was his Latin name. Sometimes he was called Amor, love. Before that, the ancient Greeks called him Eros, and he was responsible for lust, love, and sex. He was worshipped as a fertility god. His name is the root of the word erotic. Read more

Do you speak body language?

It takes only a split second for your feelings to show on your face. Even if you’ve developed the coolest poker face in the game, you can’t control that first flicker of response. But never mind; the speed of thought is quicker than the eye. Right?

Recent studies have found that people form an impression of you at first sight, in another flicker of a fraction of a second. They don’t even have to see something clearly to get a feeling about it—specifically, whether it attracts them or not.

But not to worry. Such fleeting sensations are flimsy, ephemeral—easily adjusted. All you need is a minute or two, a smile, a good opening line, and you’re in like Flynn. Right?

Not so fast, Slick.

Those first impressions can stick to you like glue, no matter how smooth your line is. The problem is, it’s what you don’t say that tells people more than half of what they think they know about you. It also tells them plenty of what you think about yourself.

Body language is the lingua franca of the dating game. You wear it like a signboard, whether you think about it or not, so it’s a good idea to know if yours says Kiss Me or Kick Me.

The first rule of body grammar is this: the better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you are. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’re more relaxed, so you tend to put the people around you at ease. You stand straighter and taller. You’re more balanced.

Don’t think that doesn’t matter. A lot. Balance makes you look symmetrical. Symmetry is a powerful indication of the ability of your genes to achieve the body they were aiming for, and that translates as health and desirability. Study after study has proved that symmetrical faces are usually judged more attractive. Believe it or not, there’s even a correlation between a man’s symmetry and women’s attraction to his body odour and voice—even when they can’t consciously see the difference. Read more

An Irreverent Look at Dating Sites

The rules of engagement on this site are as follows: You have to have been voted at least a 7 (on a scale of 1 to 10) to get full access to the database. Or, you can just be talented and have an annual income over $200,000. Also, as they’re seeking intelligent members, they warn that if they find out you have an IQ below 100, you will be kicked out. Don’t like their terms? Just write to member “bite me.”

Thank Goodness, SexyAds let me join, warts and all. No doubt, they have recognized some value somewhere, even if it’s just within my cheezy columns.

The goal, this new site says, is to create a vast database of the world’s most good looking, rich and superficial people. The news piece featured one of their members, a beautiful woman, saying she felt sorry for the ugly people, but cooed, “Who am I to decide who is pretty or ugly?” Then, she walked off into the palm-silhouetted sunset with her new hunk.

The station anchors presenting the story, said that the exclusivity of the site had been likened to those that only allow certain racial or religious members, and that this site’s rules make it no different.

Maybe so. I guess it’s no crime for pretty people to want to date someone up to their own standards, instead of wasting time responding to people they’d never be interested in. But, if you think about it, there may be whole segments that they may be sorry they’re missing. Read more

The Poets Know It – Cupid is Stupid

Like most people I am utterly baffled by the motives at work in human relationships. And being an arty type I often look to literature for insights into this troubling subject.

Feeling a tad more angst-ridden than usual, I recently went on a serious quote-finding expedition. A Google search turned up some real beauties.

For instance, Blaise Pascal once famously opined that “the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing”. You can say that again, Blaise! (Er, although he can’t, of course — being dead and all.)

H L Mencken had a similar, despairing view: “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” I reckon “the defeat of realism by stupidity” comes closer, actually. If the human heart were a bloke, he’d look like that cretinous dork on the cover of Mad Magazine.

Not all the lines were negative, but. Some were downright gooey. Take this Swedish proverb: “A life without love is like a year without summer.” Oh, isn’t that sweet? I can see why that line is popular in frosty Stockholm. The joint’s full of dumb blondes, after all. But I doubt it would mean much to the Hottentot tribe of the Kalahari desert, who are probably a tad more pragmatic — not to mention sick to death of the bloody heat!

I also found several thoughts on love from a bloke called Unknown, who was very prolific indeed. (In fact, he is credited with almost as many zingers as his fellow line-meister Anonymous. Together they penned at least half of all the wisdom quotes I found. Truly amazing! Who were those guys?)

Here’s Unknown on love and language: “No words are necessary between two loving hearts.” Very true. And just as well, too. With all those potent endorphins pumping through their brains the seriously smitten couldn’t throw two words together if they tried. Which is why they just stare into each other’s eyes, slack-jawed and dribbling… Read more

You’re Worth It

Remember those TV commercials for beauty products that cost a bit more than the rest? Sure they cost more, the model says. “But I’m worth it!”

When L’Oreal launched that campaign some years ago, it was startling to hear a woman assert her own value. It was a strange concept. But it was a wildly successful marketing strategy. Women stopped in the midst of their chores, lit up like Christmas, and thought “Hey! That’s right!” And next time they went grocery shopping or shuttled the kids to soccer practice, they picked up a box of that hair color. And spent a bit more on it, thank you!

Because they’re worth it. Unfortunately, too many people have trouble seeing over the edge of that box. Though they can admit they deserve a better dye job, or even a day at the spa, it’s a grudging sort of reward. Like the guy who gave his plump wife an exercise bike for Christmas, it sends a mixed message: you’re worth improving . . . you need to improve . . . you don’t measure up.

If you tell yourself stories like that, it’s no wonder you don’t get dates, or guys treat you badly, or girls dump you. If YOU think you don’t deserve better, how can anyone disagree with you?

It’s not a secret if you feel that way, either. People who have little confidence in themselves think they’re not very important, and they don’t expect others to like them or remember them. This makes them uncertain about other people’s motives, so they can’t really trust anyone. If someone lets them down, they assume it must be because of their own unimportance. They tend to work hard at proving themselves or impressing people, and they can be pretty sensitive about it. They may, without realizing it, put people down or blame others for their own shortcomings, always trying to make themselves look better. Not very attractive, though, is it?

People with low self-esteem think their assessment is firmly based on reality. After all, they can’t get dates, or they’ve been stood up, or dumped, or otherwise mistreated. More than once. They’re not rich. They lost a job or haven’t found one.  They’re too fat, they’re too thin; or else they look pretty good (if they do say so), but they have to work awfully hard at it. Maybe they’re not smart enough, or maybe they’re top-heavy in the brain area.

But if they judged other people by the same standards they set themselves, they’d never let themselves hear the end of it! How unfair is that? Isn’t it even a trifle arrogant, to think they should meet higher standards than anyone else? The reality is that every life, including your own, is unique and valuable.

Self-confidence is sexy. Just believing in your own worthiness is tremendously attractive. You know it’s true: you’re most likely to meet someone when you’re not looking, for the simple reason that when you’re not concerned about the impression you’re making or how likeable you are, your self-doubts and neediness disappear.

So, stop doubting yourself. People are looking for the gift inside the package. Whenever you’re inclined to shrug off the old saw about what’s inside being what counts, just imagine a beautifully wrapped and ribboned box with nothing in it.

Go on, ask for that date. Be sure to respect your own needs and feelings, as well as those of your companion, and expect to be appreciated in return.

As the lady said: you’re worth it.

Find someone sexy at SexyAds.com today!

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