Dating Help and Advice » Online Dating

Succesful Online Dating – Setting Goals

admin — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 19:57:58 +0000

Online dating is something that anyone can do, but not everyone will do it successfully.

In online dating, if you would like to be successful, you need to start off right, build your profile in the right manner and then secure the rewards. But before we can tell you how to take your online dating experience to success, we need to map out where we are going.

Setting Your Goals

The first thing that you need to do is to set some goals. What should you include in those goals? Ask yourself these questions.

What am I looking to achieve during my online dating experience?
What am I hoping will be the method that I do that?
Who am I looking for specifically?
What am I willing to do to make it happen?
Can I dedicate some time to making it come together?

When you ask yourself these questions, jot down your answers. You will want to come back and refer to them later. Why do we ask these questions? Because developing goals for online dating is essential. In fact, it is your first tip. Without detailed goals, you will not do all that it takes to be successful.

If you do not have goals, you probably will not spend enough time on your profile. If you do not have goals, you probably will not take the time to seek out others. And, if
you do not have the right goals in place, you wonâ€™t take that all important first step of making contact with someone you are interested in.

After you have determined what your goals are, next determine what you will do to meet them. Here are the first things you need to commit to in order to be successful with online dating.

Spend a good amount of time developing a profile.
Spend at least a few hours a week looking for people that you would like to meet.
Spend a few hours a week sending off emails to those that you are interested in.

When you do these things, you are going to be steadily working your way to finding that perfect person to fill all the important parts of your life.

A Woman’s Guide to Writing a Great Dating Site Profile

admin — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 17:55:08 +0000

So you’ve joined an online dating service or two and now it’s time to write that all-important profile, the one that’s going to attract attention and reel in the man of your dreams. But where do you start?

Maybe you think that writing isnâ€™t something that you do all that well. Even so, you can do this.

The first thing you need do is to be absolutely honest about yourself. You are looking for that man who will like and maybe someday love YOU…..THE REAL YOU!

Examine past relationships and list the things that you liked and the things you didn’t like. For example, if he smoked in the house and you hated it, you’re not going to like it any better the next time. If you love cats and will always want to own one or more, say that you are an animal lover and want indoor pets. Someone who hates cats or is allergic to them is not the guy for you.

Highlight the things that make you unique. If you play the piano well, you really want Mr. Right to appreciate it. If you run in marathons, a couch potato is not a good match. If you love art, you really donâ€™t want a man who thinks Picasso is an ice cream flavor.

Describe the things that are really important in your life. If volunteering is the one thing that makes you feel useful and worthwhile, you want someone who would, at the very least, support you, if not join you, in your volunteer projects. When you get beyond superficial things, you will attract men who share your values.

Invest in your online profile by hiring a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is really important because the photo is the very first thing men see. The second thing is that they read what you have written about yourself. Some online dating sites even provide you with a list of photographers in your area that specialize in online dating site photos.

How to Get the Most From Online Dating

admin — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 16:45:30 +0000

Online Dating Basics

Online dating is not as simple as it looks, you need to know how to go about it in order to get the best out of it. Unfortunately quite a lot of people who decided to give online dating a try ended up with their fingers burnt.

Here are a few pointers to consider when you start off online dating.

Getting started in online dating
There’s an old adage ‘fools rush in where angels fear to tread’ which is certainly true here. It’s always best to be cautious when you’re in unfamiliar uncharted territory. You need to plan before you actually go out there and start showing your cards.

Just because the world and his wife can type out whatever they want in a chat room doesn’t mean that you have to do the same.

One of the benefits of the internet is that anybody can use it. Unfortunately one of the drawbacks of the internet is also that anybody can use it. There are a lot of nice people using the Internet, but just as in the offline world, there are some not so nice people too.

So where do you start?

The first tip I would like to give you is NOT to go straight away into a singles’ chat room and try to find somebody who would interest you. We all know that most of these chat rooms are flooded with people who have only one thing on their mind – sex.

So instead of going into a singles’ chat room, what you could do is to try the whole thing out from a different angle. You could try working backwards.

In other words, decide what you’re looking for, and then go look for it.

It’s more than just looks

Sit for a minute or two and try and think about the things that interest you and things that you would find interesting in a person.

By â€˜things’ I am not talking about physical attributes. I am not referring to something that might interest you in a person’s physical appearance. A distinction needs to be made between a serious relationship and a casual relationship. In a casual relationship, the importance is always for the physical attributes. We are more concerned with what the person looks like and what the person has been endowed with.

On the other hand, if we have a serious relationship, then the physical qualities are not so important. Compatibility is probably the most important factor over here. Along with that there are certain qualities that obviously we will be looking out for. We are talking about qualities of the mind. After all, beauty is only skin-deep!

This idea might sound strange, but it is actually true. The idea is that it is possible to grow to like the looks of a person. Once you find the character of the person agreeable you will start liking the person as a whole. It is entirely possible to fall in love with a person if the person does not look like a movie star. That is one of the tricks that nature plays.

There are many people who insist on taking a look at the other person’s picture before actually committing to a relationship. They might have their reasons of course, but I, for one, feel that such a decision based largely on looks is more suitable for a casual relationship. It is bound to sizzle off after some time. After all, how long can you keep staring at a person? And what happens if the person doesn’t stare back at you?

Or even worse, what happens if you find the person staring at another person? Looks may be important, but they certainly are not the most important thing and should never be used as the deciding factor if you are thinking about a serious relationship.

So what are your interests? What do you enjoy doing? And what are your dislikes?

Dislikes are just as important, or even more important than likes. We all have to make compromises here and there, but if we start off by condoning things which we genuinely dislike, one way or another the day will come when the relationship will end up in tears.

Only after you’ve considered the kind of person you’re looking for should you start using an online dating site.

How to Write a Dating Profile

admin — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 16:18:23 +0000

Writing your dating profile

So you’ve taken the plunge and decided to join an online dating site. Congratulations, you are in the 21st century where meeting people via an online dating club is becoming more and more common and accepted.

Now you need to put together your profile so you can attract the kind of person you’re looking for. And you’re probably wondering what to say and how to say it.

The first thing that you should do is take out a pencil and paper and write down the raw details about yourself. By raw details we are talking about things like your age, your height and your weight.

This is the skeleton which we are going to build on. And when we have added enough flesh and blood to this backbone, why even you will be impressed by your profile! But first let’s steer clear of some pitfalls which most people fall into.

Common Pitfalls

The Modesty Pitfall

Most of us by nature tend to be pretty modest. When it comes to saying something good about ourselves we feel very queasy about blowing our own trumpet. Well nobody is asking you to do any trumpet blowing but facts have to be stated as facts.

If you are a music lover and have a good voice too, I don’t see why you can’t just say so. If you think that it’s too boastful, you could say something like “My friends think that I sing rather well.”

There now, you can’t feel too bad about something as simple as that. It is as good as saying “some people think that I sing well, but it is for you to decide whether I have a good voice or not.” Similar statements that you can use are these:

“Lots of people appreciate my cooking.”

“I am no Rembrandt, but I enjoy painting.”

“I like decorating, and many of my friends think that my tastes are not too bad.”

So go ahead, if you really have a talent, you might as well as let others know about it..

The Bragging Pitfall

Bragging, as we all know, is a major turnoff. So it is best to steer completely clear of it. This is especially true in the case of physical attributes. You might be one heck of a looker, but let the other person decide, remember that one man’s meat is another mans poison.

You can make implied statements like, “I am certainly not a bad looker,” or “opinion is divided, some people think that I am good looking while others think that I am not.” But perhaps the best way of describing yourself would be to add a touch of humor to it.

If you are chubby you could say something like, “I am round in all the right places…I hope.” If you are tall you could say something like, “some say I should play basketball.” If you are on the short side you could say something like, “I might seem to lacking in size but I assure you, it is all there.”

You know what’s the best part about such witty remarks about yourself? Humor always works. All of us have been blessed with a sense of humor to some degree at least and if a person is able to make funny comments about himself or herself, that always acts as a turn on.

The Boredom Pitfall

Try to make yourself sound as interesting as possible. I mean it. If you are painting a self portrait you might as well use the right colors. Before we leave our homes what do we do? We all spend at least five minutes in front of our mirrors in an attempt to make our selves look as presentable and as impressive as possible.

Well, the same thing applies to our profile. Remove all drab details about yourself that might be of no interest to the reader. If you job is something like editing journals on the etymology of words derived from ancient Aramaic, well, just say that you have an editing job.

Similarly try to bear in mind that anything can be put down in two ways. You can either make it interesting or boring; so work on it until you are sure that it will not bore a reader to death and the best test for this would be to hand it over to a close friend and ask that friend’s opinion. Nobody likes a bore so make the effort not to sound like one.

Your real dating profile

Now that we have discussed the major pitfalls, let’s move on to the real profile. The reason I said real profile is that the profile must reflect the person you really are.

Honesty is the best policy

While you might take some care to conceal your identity it is best not to lie.

Don’t try to bluff your way through a relationship because it’s inevitable that the whole thing might come out and as we all know, one lie leads to another and then before you know it the whole relationship will crash. Be as honest and as frank as you can, taking care to conceal your identity.

Someone once said that a friend is some one who knows all about you and loves you just the same. So there is no need to hide things about you. Of course you do not have to tell the person every ghastly, gory detail about yourself, but at the same time you do not have to conjure up stuff about you that just is not true.

Choose an appropriate handle

When you choose a handle to identify yourself by, you have to be sensible. Do not try to attract as many partners as possible. After all, what are we looking for, quality or quantity? Try to attract only the kind of people you are interested in and who would find you interesting.

For that reason I suggest that you use a handle that better defines the kind of person you are. Do not try to sound like a sex god or a sex goddess. If you are, let the other person decide for himself or herself. So steer clear of handles like Megastud, Handsomehunk, Superbabe or Bedlover.

Instead of that you could try handles that give someone an immediate idea about the kind of person you are. If you are an outdoor person you could use something like Natureguy or Naturegirl; if you are a music freak use something like Musicman or Musicmaid. If you are into theatre and stuff like that you could choose a name like Theatreguy or Theatregirl.

The point is to attract people who are interested in the same kind of stuff as you are. That of course increases your chances of gelling with the person.

Brevity is key

Another crucial thing about writing your profile is that you should keep it as brief as possible. Nobody and that means nobody wants to read through lines and lines of another person’s profile. If you make it so long winded the person who is reading it will get the idea that you are the kind of person who would love to keep on talking about yourself and instead of go on a date with you, the reader would rather curl up and die.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to limit the whole thing to just a few words. A too brief profile would sound as if you do not have time for all this, but you are just doing it for the heck of it.

The best style that you could use would be to be 100% natural. Write your profile as you would describe yourself to a person directly. The conversation style has the widest appeal I might add. Make it simple and stay away from big words and hackneyed expressions. If you need to look a word up in the dictionary, don’t use it.

You are unique

Think about it for a minute. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look like anyone else that you know? We all look so different though essentially we have been endowed with the same external characteristics, which are one nose, one mouth, two eyes and two ears.

So in spite of having the same building blocks, if we can look so different why do we have to sound alike? Think about yourself in a different way. Do not just consider your likes and dislikes when you are writing your profile, consider your endearing qualities as well. Endearing qualities, what are those?

Those are those qualities which make you liked by others. Of course, these are things that we never bother, about but maybe we should. So what I would suggest would be to ask your best friends why they like you. Who knows, their answers just might surprise you! But at least you will get an idea of what you can include in your profile.

Online Dating Safety for Women

admin — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 22:07:20 +0000

Online dating can be a fun and certainly a rewarding experience for women of all ages. Maintaining your safety while doing it is simply a combination of using common sense and exercising good judgment. Online safety rules are the same as real world safety rules.

You wouldn’t give your name, address and phone number to a strange man that you met in a bar or on the street so you should never do that online either. Play it safe. Get to know this man who could turn out to be Prince Charming before you give out any information that could make it possible for him or others to trace you. Don’t tell a stranger exactly where you work. Say that you are a legal secretary (if that’s what you are) for a mid-sized law firm….not that you work for Brown, Smith and Jones Attorneys-at-law. It is safe to tell him what city you live in but you should wait to be any more specific than that until you have been chatting and exchanging emails for awhile.

Use only the tools provided by the dating service you belong to. Most offer chat and private email on their site. Do not give out your isp email address. If you must give out an email address make it a free one such as Gmail or Yahoo. Your isp address is traceable for anyone who wants to go to the trouble.

When the time comes for you to have your first face-to-face, make that first meeting in a public place and during day light hours. Take a friend with you or arrange for one to call you on your cell soon after the arranged meeting.

Remember…you ARE in control so do not let anyone pressure you into revealing more personal information than you are comfortable with revealing.

Online Dating Safety For Men

admin — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:04:46 +0000

Almost everything you read about online dating safety is directed at women but men need to be concerned as well. Perverts, sexual predators and weirdos come in both sexes, all sizes, and all ages…as do, liars and cheaters. So men need to stay on guard, too.

It is common knowledge not to readily give out personal information to strangers. The reason for not doing so is as large as the number of strangers who want that information. If you come across a person who is giving out personal information and asking others to do the same, don’t do it. You don’t know what they want to use it for….and you had better believe they want to use it for something. That “something” will not be for your benefit. Men, also, need to guard their real names, addresses, phone numbers, and place of employment. Do not give that information to anyone online until you are confident that they are who they say they are.

Men, be wary of women who seem too financially needy. If they ask for money, in any of a dozen ways women can ask for money, cut the relationship off immediately. They are not looking for love or even friendship….they are looking for financial help.

If a woman gives you a contact number but you cannot ever reach her at that number, beware. If you always have to page them or text them and have them call you back, this could be a sign that what they are telling you is not the complete truth.

A need to get married and insecurity are other signs men should be very wary of. If the woman is pushing too hard for a commitment you aren’t ready to make, it might be a good time to head for the nearest exit.

Falling in Love Online

admin — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 22:17:17 +0000

Falling in love online can be just as completely emotionally real as falling in love in the real world. While it seems rather silly to think that we can give our hearts to someone we have never even met in person, on the internet it happens a million times a day.

When they are new to the internet, most people are pretty innocent characters who venture into chat rooms or instant messages, with the hope of finding some stimulation for an hour or two. But when they get into chatting, they are possessed by a current and dragged down a river of virtual sensations that completely sweeps them away. They are surprised when they notice the time and hours and hours have passed. And in not too long a time, they are addicted.

Most of us crave deep emotional attention but havenâ€™t figured out how to get it and keep hold of it in real time. Now, with this outlet for our psyches to feed and get nourishment, we are finding that our addiction is easy to justify and chalked off to the techno onslaught and being able to keep up with it.

Even if we are not in love with anyone in particular online, we are in love with being online, knowing that we can get our fix, whenever we want it. Most of us have learned that when one online romance ends, our heart is severely broken, but miraculously we heal because another arises on the horizon in virtually no time flatâ€¦.LOL.

Why is it so remarkablyÂ easy to fall in love online and what are the long-term results of such a development?

As we all know and have experienced, the Internet has given us all a whole new way of life. The age of this new and ever-evolving technology has changed dating in a BIG way. Never again will people who have access to a computer, be lonely and ignored, even if they are shut-ins. They just have to turn on the pc, and there you go, the world is at their fingertips.

Once you’ve been online for a short amount of time, you realizes the intricacies of â€chatting.â€ Chatting is a dialect that has emerged from communicating on this venue, no matter what language it is done in.

There are all kinds of hidden nuances of this form of communicating. A well-seasoned â€œchatterâ€ can create and project any mood, any emotion, any feeling imaginable, with the combination of several different â€œcyber graphics,â€ â€œemoticons,â€ (the little smiley face icons), words, keyboard symbols (@#^*((( ))) !~), and acronyms (LMAO, LOL etc).

Chatting one on one in instant messages, is one of the ways to get to know a person, very personally. Something magical happens during this type of communication that seems to be unique to this venue. Especially if you are speaking to someone who is a romantic interest, it seems like you have a more direct connection to his/her psyche.

How many times have I sensed the answer to a question or virtually read their mind? It seems to happen at an uncanny rate when in an instant message. Is it the electrical energy that is freely flowing from their pc to yours? If this online connection does something to our powers of exchanging thought, does this mean that we are developing a NEW sensory perception that has been latent in us but now coming to life?

Somehow, this new sense dominates our powers of perception and creates feelings, deep feelings, for some of the people we connect with online. Since we only have the written word and no other obvious audio or visual cues to clue us in on the chatters personality, we have to go on what we read, assimilate the meaning, and somehow imagine the person who is at the other end typing these words. We have to, in our minds eye, create a real person who we have no other information about except for what they have told us.

We cannot see how they dress, how they maintain their weight, personal hygiene, how they laugh or smile, what their voice is like, what kind of car they drive or if they have a nervous twitch or have all their limbs. We simply have their written word. Most of us believe the other person to be telling us the truth, and because they are giving us what seems to be a unique look into their psyche, we develop a kindred ness with them that is very special. This dynamic is what makes us able to fall in love online so easily.

Most humans are basically the same. We all want the opportunity to love someone, and to have our love reciprocated. What makes each of us different is how we go about achieving that goal . So when we chat in instant messages or in chat rooms, we extend a part of our selves that may not normally be revealed in a person to person or â€œreal lifeâ€ scenario. Since we have no outside cues or distractions, it makes it easy for us to be totally honest, because we have nothing to lose by being so.

In so doing, the connection between parties escalates at a rapid rate. The safety of extending ones emotional self across the cyber field seems to be almost unavoidable as well as incredibly fulfilling. The down side to this is that you might find yourself creating a fantasy of the person, which is totally unrealistic. This is generally what happens. Since there is no visual input for the mindâ€™s eye to focus on, the brain has to assimilate the info, the input, and the sensory exchanges, and make enough sense of it to justify the feelings being felt.

There are a few â€œtoolsâ€ that help us make further determinations. We might have a picture of the person, we might have heard the personâ€™s voice on the phone, and we might have even be able to see them on video web camera, which overrides some of the data. If the intent is to actually â€œmeetâ€ this person for a date, it is important for our brain to collect as much data as it can in order for us to actually feel safe enough to meet face to face.

BUT, and this is a big BUT, sadly there are many people who never have any intention whatsoeverÂ of ever venturing outside the confines of their safe little homes, in order to actually meet face to face. They are finding themselves making deep rooted connections with people online, and are getting themselves into trouble by either falling in love (without the capability to take appropriate action) or they are causing others to fall in love with them (thereby, breaking hearts, right, left and center when it has evolved to the â€œmeetingâ€ stage and one party has no intention of doing so). Sound familiar??

Pointers for protecting yourself in case of this happening to you:

1) Find out right up front if the person is seeking a real time relationship, or simply wants a virtual one. Many are simply filling time and have no intention on ever leaving the comfort of their own homes to meet you, no matter how close you feel youâ€™ve become.

2) If you are considering meeting the person in person, make sure you clearly state this disclaimer: If, when we meet, one of us is NOT attracted, it must be made known, and all aforementioned plans or activities discussed are null and void.

3) Realize that people confide in you way more readily online, because they know they will never meet you, see you or otherwise find your knowledge of their secrets as any kind of a threat to them.

4) If you have met someone and you have both fallen in love online, realize that true love cannot truly be established until you find out whether you are in love in real time. Energy from online may not necessarily transfer, so be realistic, and save your self a lot of heartache. And donâ€™t fall into the trap of saying â€œI love youâ€ online if you havenâ€™t met yet.

5) Realize that you are probably guilty of creating a â€œsuperâ€ mate in your mind and that meeting with expectations is one of the major things that cause problems. If you go in totally open minded, with NO expectations, you canâ€™t possibly be disappointed.

6) Lastly, donâ€™t think that just because you fell once and failed, that every time will be the same. Keep trying, be REAL, and some day, you might find a keeper!!!

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Online Daters – People Who Date Online

admin — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 20:37:01 +0000

When I first heard about online dating a few years ago, it was just in its infancy and so of course, there were a great many comments, both positive and negative, to be made about it. Now, years later, there still are.

What exactly is an online dater? It’s someone who has centered their focus on meeting someone through the internet. There are even people who have given up trying to meet someone in any other venue.

Who is the online dater? The online dater is the man in front of you or behind you in the grocery checkout line, no matter what his age is. He’s the man who just cut you off to get to the traffic light ahead of you, he’s the loudmouth at the bar, he’s the idiot standing behind you at motor vehicle. He’s the more mature man who just held the door open for you, he’s the guy who delivers water or packages at your office, he’s the man who smiled at you after you accidentally cut him off.Â He’s the man pouring your coffee or changing your tires or washing his clothes in the local Laundromat. He could be your neighbor, your colleague, your boss, your brother, your best friend, your nephew, your son or even your husband.

Online daters-the men-are everywhere. And they are single, married, involved, depressed, interested, anxious, lonely, confident, overbearing, quiet, active, lazy, generous, stingy, easily angered, comfortably laid back…as well as being fit, fat or in between; bald, hairy, hairless, readers, non readers, sport fans, mama boys, short, tall, unattractive, cute, nice, dull – it goes on and on.

Who else is the online dater? Well, she could be the female in front of you or behind you in the grocery checkout line, no matter what her age. She’s the female who just cut you off to get to the traffic light ahead of you, she’s the female sloshed at the bar with her friends, she’s the loudmouth standing behind you at motor vehicle. She’s the female who just kept the door open for you after she walked through it; she’s the female who just pet your dog, she’s the female who smiled at you after you cut her off accidentally. She’s the woman pumping her own gas or checking you out at a register. She could be your neighbor, your colleague, your boss, your sister, your best friend, your niece, your daughter or even your wife.

Online daters-the women-are everywhere. And they are single, married, involved, depressed, interested, anxious, lonely, confident, overbearing, quiet, active, lazy, generous, stingy, easily angered, comfortably laid back as well as being fit, fat or in between; shorthaired, longhaired, readers, nonreaders, sport fans, daddy’s girls, short, tall, unattractive, cute, nice, dull it goes on and on.

What all this illustrates is that online dating and online daters are not fantasy representatives of a higher order but people. Regular in-your-face, down-your-street, nothing visibly outstanding just lots of ordinary looking people living ordinary daily routines. It’s worth remembering.

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An Irreverent Look at Dating Sites

admin — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 14:32:29 +0000

The rules of engagement on this site are as follows: You have to have been voted at least a 7 (on a scale of 1 to 10) to get full access to the database. Or, you can just be talented and have an annual income over $200,000. Also, as they’re seeking intelligent members, they warn that if they find out you have an IQ below 100, you will be kicked out. Don’t like their terms? Just write to member “bite me.”

Thank Goodness, SexyAds let me join, warts and all. No doubt, they have recognized some value somewhere, even if it’s just within my cheezy columns.

The goal, this new site says, is to create a vast database of the world’s most good looking, rich and superficial people. The news piece featured one of their members, a beautiful woman, saying she felt sorry for the ugly people, but cooed, “Who am I to decide who is pretty or ugly?” Then, she walked off into the palm-silhouetted sunset with her new hunk.

The station anchors presenting the story, said that the exclusivity of the site had been likened to those that only allow certain racial or religious members, and that this site’s rules make it no different.

Maybe so. I guess it’s no crime for pretty people to want to date someone up to their own standards, instead of wasting time responding to people they’d never be interested in. But, if you think about it, there may be whole segments that they may be sorry they’re missing.

So I have some advice for anyone starting a new dating site.

Lower those standards. Start sites for people with hair in inappropriate places. Maybe symbiotic matches, like tissue magnates and people with allergies. Maybe, just maybe that Ken doll is in the mood for a sluttier, Bratt doll type, rather than Astronaut Barbie. This birds-of-a-feather thing is probably the real reason behind many separations, let alone their recently announced parting.

I say, let’s have a site where we can find just a stupid, well-endowed schmoe with enough money to pay for his or her own Internet connection and dating site membership. We can always provide the paper bag ourselves, either in person or by altering or enhancing their digitalized likeness to our own specifications with Photoshop, if we only intend on having hot chat, anyway.

That other site says they cater to Ivy league grads, doctors, professors, millionaires, photographers, various professionals, models, actors, soldiers, firemen as well as published writers.

Given the last of this list, it’s evident that no matter what they advertise, their standards aren’t so hoity-toity after all. Be that as it may, I think I’ll stay where I’m least likely to be rejected.

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